What's it all about?

It's a little about me and my five sugar cubes.
Never a dull moment.
Sit down, buckle up and enjoy the ride....

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thirteen on thursday.. Can ya believe it? And FIRST thing too!!

I so wanted to blog last night, but we recently had our wireless network "reworked" and the laptop could not find the connection. I had so much going through my head....... oh well. Let's hope I can pull it from the abyss of my brain and type it out this early morning..

Thirteen Things that my kids say/have said that have
a. cracked me up
c. mortified me or
d. a combination of the above

I love how free kids are with their speech. They have no idea. Their little mouths just flow like lava, and even when they don't even know what they are saying, they look for a reaction from others.

Connor, our oldest, has always been smart. He's a wise soul in a little body (even moreso a wisenheimer-no clue where he gets THAT from) and questions EVERYTHING. We imagine he will probably fall into the category of lawyer or judge when he grows up. He's our local law enforcement agent, making sure everyone (except for himself) stays in line. Presently, he's known around these parts for making sure that people excuse themselves after passing gas- oral or anal (it's my blog, I can say "anal" if I want to).  He's very persistent with it, and although, "YAY" for manners, "BOO" for driving us all crazy with it. So coming in at #13 is:

13. "Say excuse me".."SAY excuse me!".. ""say EXCUSE me!".. "SAY EXCUSE ME!"

FINE! Excuse me! Geez- just leave it alone already. And give someone a chance to say it on their own.
(ps I don't HAVE gas. so he's never saying this to me)

Chloe spoke real early- using big words from the time she was a teeny munchkin. Being the angel in a family of devils is hard work. Although I have always said, the only thing that keeps her halo on is her horns. She's not evil, never has been- but she does wear the crown well. When I was pregnant for Cooper, she was hoping he was a girl, and I kept saying "the crown is only big enough for one head". So true. I think she will do just fine being the only girl in a sea of boys. With that being said- Connor went to school first, and I knew that kids come home with things from school that *SHOCK* you- and dirty words are learned, etc. We were expecting him to come home with something first. Well, Chloe was in her first year of preschool- so she was 3  and we were all sitting down for supper. I was serving, and I put the plate of food in front of her and she said (coming in at #12)

12. "What the HELL is this?"

Now we don't swear, and she'd only been exposed to preschool (I'm pretty sure they stay far away from the 7 dirty words) and so this came as a shock to us. She had no idea what she had even said. I lost it, laughing so hard I was crying and had to leave the table. Mike was such a trooper- kept his composure until I got back, excused himself and had a good laugh in the other room. To this day, I think that line had been engraved in my brain as one of the funniest things ever said by a toddler. 4 years later, and it's still got me chuckling.

Might as well go in order here.. Collin is our sweet one. Sure he's got his moments, but he'll run up to me just to tell me he loves me, he's very cuddly. Most of the time he's polite and thanks to Connor, he always says "excuse me". Well, he had gotten some money and wanted to buy something at Target. We went through the line, and the cashier was commenting on how well behaved he was. Collin was using his manners, please and thank you.. adorable. After the cashier finished checking us out, he handed Collin the bag and without hesitation, Collin said:

11. "Thanks....ya big FATTY!"

Crickets. I was mortified.  The man wasn't even fat- so it's not like he was being insulting (thank goodness) but still. "ya big FATTY?" Where on earth??? We had a talk all the way to the swagger wagon about that one. (Don't think I didn't laugh in my sleeve though...)

Cole is our big bear. He's a BRUI-SER and I do believe he'll be destined for football greatness. He's all out- rough and tumble, but wrapped up in sweetness. He'll come at you full charge like a bulldozer. At the same time, he's the best snugger- and cuddles like nobodys business. He's also funny. These kids, come up with these things.... I told Cole he needed a hair cut, and what does he say?

10. "No mum, I don't have time".

Seriously? You just turned THREE. All you have is time. In his mind, he's dead serious. Toys await, haircut will have to reschedule.

Cooper is too little to say anything sarcastic or embarassing, although his first word (aside from da-da) was

9. "Pepper".

Clear as day. I grew him in my womb from a cell into a full sized baby, nurse him from the breast and who does he give his first props to? THE DOG? Yeeeooooooowwwwch. "Pep-per". Thanks.

Words are part of our every day. Can't do much without them, this blog would be nonexistent (can you IMAGINE? Oh the horror). Thankfully we have words, and I can entertain with them.

Connor, as previously mentioned, is the local law enforcement. He governs the littler ones. Who am I kidding? He governs (or tries to anyway) everyone in the family.  First in line to tattle, first in line to point the finger, you get the point. He is very aware of things that are not kosher. For example, he will break out in a cold sweat if a movie has a "cuss" word in it. He will have to leave the room. However, he is fascinated by them, and does what he can to point them out. He's curious as to which words are okay to say, and likes to ask about everything. The word du jour is

8. "Ball sack".

Apparently Connor asked Mike if that was a bad word, Mike said no, Connor asked if he could say it, Mike said "I suppose". Now Connor takes that, engraves it in stone, and decides it's best to teach Collin to say it.  So yesterday, Collin kept saying "ball sack" over and over and over. REALLY? Now I grew up- only child, single mom. Very female environment. We weren't loud, we weren't gassy, and we certainly didn't go around shouting "ball sack". I grew up using proper names for everything- and I even had an anatomically correct boy doll so I could learn the "parts". I think his name was Peter. NO LIE. But even now, as a mom, I encourage the kids to call a spade, a spade- or in this case, a penis, a penis, but I'm not sure of the technical term for ball sack. !?!??! I told Connor it was okay to say in an emergency- which hopefully doesn't translate into 911 "BALL SACK" calls...

I don't even think this next one deserves an intro

7. "Well, how do YOU know?!?".

Infuriating. I know because I'm 30 yrs older than you and I just know. OKAY? O.K.A.Y. Geez Louise.

Everything in Phoenix is new- relatively. I mean if you think about the state only being 98 years old.. It's very new. We don't have centurian homes, we don't have much history.. When we visit back east, everyone lives in an older home, things are "historical" and it's new to the kids. Connor is 8, and the two houses he's ever lived in have been brand spanking new. Most of our friends and family have homes that are around 10 yrs old. 25 yrs for a home is old. Shopping centers are new, when an area gets "old" and rundown, new areas are built. On a trip back east, we were staying with my aunt- she lives in a very old house- they are always updating it. It's charming, very different from the homes here. Just about everyone that we visit has an "older" home.. older fixtures, older appliances. Well during our last trip back, Miss Chloe said

6. "Is everyone here POOR?" No honey, they aren't all poor- they just have historical homes.

Beyond the circle of my family, I have been shocked, surprised and amused by people saying dumb things to me over the years. I used to work retail, and people would be looking for a certain size. Lets use, for example, shoes in a size 7.  This is TYPICAL and anyone who has ever worked retail can relate to this...
Customer "Do you have these in a size 7?"
Me "Let me check"
Me "No, we have a 6 1/2 and a 7 1/2"
Customer "Oh, you don't have a 7?"
Me "Nooo, we have a 6 1/2 or a 7 1/2".
Customer "So, you don't have a 7?"
Me "No, did you want to try the 6 1/2 or the 7 1/2?"
Customer "You're sure you don't have a 7?"
Me "let me just check one more time"
This is about the point that I pretend the past exchange has never happened, I go into the back, use a sharpie marker to change the size on the box and inside the shoe, tell them I actually DID indeed have a 7, sell them the too small 6 1/2, make my sales goal and move on to the next victim. Suckahhhhhhh!

I don't have anything more. For those of you who have made it this far.. thank you and good day.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Thirteen on Thursday actually on Friday a few weeks late.. for Shari and Linda and Heather and Stacy...my loyal

Oh Shari♫♪... I've heard your pleas♫♪. I'm here for you. ♫♪ (Thanks Steve Perry for the first part of that song- the rest I made up)...

(I have a friend who has been suffering such deep depression and angst- and apparently the best medicine is this blog, so she has been (im)patiently waiting for my entry in order to gain a speedy and full recovery..)

My first thought was to write about 13 reasons that I'm too busy to write in the blog- but couldn't narrow it down to just 13. Now maybe if it was 1.3 million reasons.... But then I realized I needed to stop making excuses- because it's not only theraputic for others, it's also good therapy for me to get on here and rant every once in a while.

Believe it or not, I'm OUT of topics- (from other people) and I find that usually my readers (all 10 of you) are interested in my wisdom on other peeps topics. So this time, I'm forced to dig deep in the matter of my own brain and come up with something.......... Here it goes....


*more crickets*

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Here. I think I have it. 13 things I'd like to do before I die. aka "The Bucket List"

1. Play the drums. I play a wicked air drum- discussed here- but I would love to know how to play the real drums. And I mean all out, sweaty brow, stick spinning, arm flailing, drum banging, rock star playing.
2. Run a marathon- again brought up here- but the more in depth version- is I was injured and I am bound and determined to complete a marathon. I'd also love to do a triathalon. The energy at a marathon is nutty- it's such an awesome atmosphere, except for if you didn't run, you're an outsider. It's very emotional. I want to be part of that. I'm not dogging half marathoners, 5kers, 10kers- I admire anyone who runs.. but it's a personal journey and I want a piece. I want that notch. I will get there. And you all better be there to cheer me on.
3. Shoot a gun. We have a gun- we have a Glock something. It's cute, but I have no idea how to use it. And I'm sure if my life depended on it, I could shoot it, but I'd like to know how to handle it with skill. Like Dirty Harry. (Go ahead, make my day). They have classes at the local shooting range, and it's just a matter of making it a priority. HA! I can't even make it a priority to blog once a week, I don't forsee going to Ben Avery Shooting Range anytime soon... hence, why it's on the "list".
4. Play the guitar. Along the lines of the drums, there is something so cool about someone who can sit down and strum out a familiar tune. Again- I play a wicked air guitar.. but the real thing? Yeah, not so much. Ideally I'd love to play the guitar and the drums at the same time. Don't laugh- I have 5 kids...I can do a lot that would surprise you.
5. Get published. I have had people tell me that I should write a book, a TV show, something.. Well, I do write a blog.....AND (shhhh- here's the big secret that only YOU know now) I am working on a book. It's started, it's being co-written with a friend, and it will be awesome when it's done. That's all I'm telling. I will say that we (coauthor and I) both said that we pictured ourselves on Oprah's book club- sitting on her stage chatting it up with her. I guess we better get a move on if we are going to make that happen. Darn Oprah and her retirement plans.
6. Adopt a child. As you all know, I have a "thing" for kids. I love them. I should probably NOT physically carry any more- considering 5 c-sections is pushing the record amount. And the last one they brought in a plastic surgeon to "tidy up" my stomach muscles that had been torn apart in the middle (goodbye 6 pack).. But there is something appealing about giving a child a home that would not otherwise have one. I would not take in a child that is within the age range of my biological children, but after they are a little older, I would take in a younger one. The one thing I don't want to do is to adopt for selfish reasons. It would have to work for the entire family. Period.
7. Bring Sexy Back..... Right? Or just meet Justin Timberlake. No- but that song just came on and I was like "Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! I'm totally gonna get my sexy on and bring sexy back before I die"... Sexyback on the bucket list. Annie- you so CRAZY!!!!!!! (and yes, I did just have dialogue with myself). You don't like it? Leave now and never come back.
8. Meet the President. Keep in mind, when I wrote my list- it was not in this current administration. I have time to meet a better one. I'll keep that one open...
9. Drive a race car. Open throttle, full on- 200 mph racing. Okay, so maybe a ride along at that speed- but for sure just let me get behind the wheel for one little lap. Mike and I did a fun test with Volvo and we got to drive a course, get timed and we had a race car coach riding along with us. They told us to drive it like we stole it. I totally did- and it was a blast. I didn't kill any pedestrians, didn't knock over any cones and didn't do half bad.
10. Own a convertible. I'm not even picky (well, I mean, w/in reason- mama doesn't want a hoopty). I know that at some point I will have one- obviously it won't be when my kids are little- unless it's a third car. It's not practical. But me WANTS one- bad. Always have, and always will until I have one in my driveway or garage.
11. Renew my wedding vows. My wedding day was so fun- I'd love to do it again. Dress up, tuxedo on Mike, have the kids involved. I think to share that day with our monkeys, and the friends we have now- would be so special and fun. I also think that it's important to come back to square once in a while with the hub- just to remind one another of the reasons you're together, the promises you once made, and verbalize the love that you have for one another in front of 200 of your closest friends and family at the hugest party evahhhhh. HOLLLAAAA!
12. Sing to my husband. He's always asked me to sing to him. And sometime I will. I come from a very musical family- both my parents sing and play instruments.. I can sing. I can carry a tune, and when I was little I was darn near pitch perfect. That was when I was little. Singing is a skill that needs to be honed and taken care of- fostered and loved. I think that if I had really put effort in to my voice and developing my vocal chords, I could have been a good singer. Mind you- I'm no Christina Aguilera - (who, by the way give me chills on every square inch of my body when she sings.. especially belting out those arpeggios. oy vey. she's amaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing) but I think I could definitely carry my own.
13. Sky dive. Crazy? Yes. But really? No. I've bungeed- way fun. Even though I was scared and almost tinkled in my pants- when I was doing it I was one happy, giggly, adrenaline rushing fool... I think it would be an experience that would stay with me until I died. Unless I died doing it- and in that case I would be one happy, giggly, adrenaline rushing, bucket list accomplishing fool. Done deal.

As I was just reading over my list, I'm thinking I might be able to incorporate them all into one big fun party. How fun would that be to check all off at once?
Picture this- driving up in my convertible race car, I get out wearing my wedding dress. I have a gun- shoot it- which is the start of a marathon. I run the marathon, and when I get done, I renew my wedding vows, head to the reception where I am the one man girl band at the party- singing, playing the drums and the guitar. I sing to Mike, dance while getting my sexy on, bring sexy back and who walks in? JT! We get down, he takes me to his private jet, strap on a parachute- I jump out, land on the White House lawn where the President is there to welcome me. I swing by the adoption agency, pick up my child, go home, write my memoir- get published, go on Oprah and DONE! Bam. Bucket list complete.

Bada bing. Now wasn't that worth the wait Shari? You can come out of your state of depression now.